yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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