I wanna bring you to show and tell
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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