The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
