Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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