Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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