I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
