1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
