im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
