i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
