So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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