I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
