Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
