Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
