finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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