if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
why do cheetos always look like penises
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
