I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
