is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
