even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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