question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
