i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
