Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
