I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
