Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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