Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
did i just pee glitter
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
