on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
