this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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