I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize