U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
