i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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