You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
