STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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