My hand turned me down
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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