Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my shit smells like andre
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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