i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
