Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
