omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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