I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
