dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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