he puts the penis in happiness.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
