Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He shit in the fireplace
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