I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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