Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
