come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
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Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
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I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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