and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
