Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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