I like to think it a success when the cops are called
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
