where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
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so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
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He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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