I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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