I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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