somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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