I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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