I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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