Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
