Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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