i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
