My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
