she looked like the bat from fern gully.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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