Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
