Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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