He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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