Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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