Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.

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  (949): mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday. http://tfl.nu/tvnz
  Replies (38) Good night (696) Bad night (4346)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.

  (1-912): View more from Georgia

  Who leaves their car unlocked at night?

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Someone who wants to read the newspaper.

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  (912): So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper. (1-912): Who leaves their car unlocked at night? (912): Someone who wants to read the newspaper. http://tfl.nu/c19o
  Replies (23) Good night (7210) Bad night (851)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea

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  (850): I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea http://tfl.nu/d42k
  Replies (18) Good night (5846) Bad night (1096)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural

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  (630): Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural http://tfl.nu/4h5e
  Replies (6) Good night (987) Bad night (2565)
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  (415): View more from California

  Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point

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  (415): Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point http://tfl.nu/8yzz
  Replies (2) Good night (1339) Bad night (1245)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.

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  (216): There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us. http://tfl.nu/2y42
  Replies (4) Good night (1780) Bad night (774)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  We should reintroduce naked Mondays

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  (662): We should reintroduce naked Mondays http://tfl.nu/agz2
  Replies (7) Good night (2434) Bad night (865)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?

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  (773): what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture? http://tfl.nu/g8fq
  Replies (4) Good night (947) Bad night (1580)
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  (916): View more from California

  God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.

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  (916): God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines. http://tfl.nu/isnh
  Replies (12) Good night (2401) Bad night (881)
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  (661): View more from California

  Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.

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  (661): Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them. http://tfl.nu/la60
  Replies (5) Good night (1312) Bad night (582)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.

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  (425): Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her. http://tfl.nu/tvge
  Replies (1) Good night (653) Bad night (1124)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...

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  (580): Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass... http://tfl.nu/ix5i
  Replies (4) Good night (742) Bad night (538)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"

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  (215): You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!" http://tfl.nu/4gma
  Replies (2) Good night (459) Bad night (651)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly

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  (419): Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly http://tfl.nu/y9cp
  Replies (2) Good night (831) Bad night (323)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  update: I failed

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  (908): tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B (908): update: I failed http://tfl.nu/ownp
  Replies (4) Good night (382) Bad night (580)

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