I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number