people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
and she was petting her beer can
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
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Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
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Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."