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hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
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