i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say