Texts From Last Night

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  (213): View more from California

  I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday

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  (213): I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday http://tfl.nu/jq66
  Replies (19) Good night (3956) Bad night (746)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?

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  (406): she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again? http://tfl.nu/5xp9
  Replies (19) Good night (3179) Bad night (621)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin

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  (802): i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin http://tfl.nu/0a0z
  Replies (14) Good night (890) Bad night (2124)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit

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  (314): i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit http://tfl.nu/hok4
  Replies (38) Good night (790) Bad night (8603)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.

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  (440): she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2. http://tfl.nu/9o14
  Replies (140) Good night (814) Bad night (5866)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"

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  (301): My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock" http://tfl.nu/tlon
  Replies (53) Good night (9701) Bad night (869)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

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  (301): i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test http://tfl.nu/616n
  Replies (130) Good night (20513) Bad night (2270)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill

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  (913): Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill http://tfl.nu/swr0
  Replies (22) Good night (591) Bad night (5784)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.

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  (724): Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose. http://tfl.nu/bo74
  Replies (8) Good night (5659) Bad night (1093)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore

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  (509): Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore http://tfl.nu/a1lx
  Replies (11) Good night (1153) Bad night (748)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?

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  (319): Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls? http://tfl.nu/s1mn
  Replies (14) Good night (1154) Bad night (516)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.

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  (330): This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs. http://tfl.nu/3hwl
  Replies (5) Good night (1975) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.

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  (406): He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame. http://tfl.nu/fkng
  Replies (8) Good night (569) Bad night (1084)
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  (914): View more from New York

  So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.

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  (914): So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun. http://tfl.nu/n89x
  Replies (12) Good night (592) Bad night (1181)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there

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  (801): Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there http://tfl.nu/7057
  Replies (3) Good night (428) Bad night (270)

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