Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts. http://tfl.nu/s7w5
  Replies (12) Good night (826) Bad night (1337)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain... http://tfl.nu/8i34
  Replies (10) Good night (2341) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab http://tfl.nu/z45l
  Replies (20) Good night (4422) Bad night (1549)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball http://tfl.nu/qmmn
  Replies (43) Good night (865) Bad night (4859)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in. http://tfl.nu/zr2p
  Replies (5) Good night (3176) Bad night (850)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon

  (703): View more from Virginia

  she was in a cheetah costume

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon (703): she was in a cheetah costume http://tfl.nu/slro
  Replies (13) Good night (4743) Bad night (1095)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro" http://tfl.nu/ltp9
  Replies (3) Good night (2186) Bad night (1087)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose. http://tfl.nu/mchv
  Replies (5) Good night (1546) Bad night (846)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard. http://tfl.nu/t4z0
  Replies (6) Good night (2513) Bad night (889)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked. http://tfl.nu/a1rb
  Replies (2) Good night (919) Bad night (414)
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time. http://tfl.nu/a23u
  Replies (3) Good night (815) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout? http://tfl.nu/r4f3
  Replies (9) Good night (480) Bad night (807)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ... http://tfl.nu/71on
  Replies (1) Good night (309) Bad night (595)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts. http://tfl.nu/l485
  Replies (1) Good night (893) Bad night (348)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick" http://tfl.nu/u1nk
  Replies (4) Good night (847) Bad night (370)

Randomize