The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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