Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.