your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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