The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
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Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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