She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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