So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
