Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
