so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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