okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
