i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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