i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
